Dear Christian men,
I am afraid I haven’t been the person I should have been, the one I’m called to be. I have dishonored you. Instead of letting Love cover a multitude of sins, I have laid them bare for the world to see. I have mocked your failures, even your attempts at growth. I have sat with friends and called you names. With my tongue I have stripped you of your manhood, the very essence of what makes you you. What right have I to say that you’re a wimp? What right have I to say that you have no balls – even worse, to allude to the fact that I have more balls than you do?
If only I could take back the thousands of words that have come pouring out of my mouth unrestrained over the years. If only I could go back in time and shake my self-centered, childish self awake and stop her ceaseless grumblings. If only I could erase every memory of you ever hearing the things we women have spoken of you. If only we could start afresh.
You might not be where I selfishly want you to be, doing what I would prefer you to do, but you are not my creation. You are His. And you are so magnificently, excellently, perfectly made in His image. How could I ridicule you without realizing I was ridiculing Him? How could I ask for honor, respect, even kindness from you when I treated you to derision, insults, and loathing? How could I not see that I would only reap a harvest from the fruits I sowed?
If there were another way, another word, another gesture to convey how incredibly remorseful and apologetic I am, I would immediately offer that to you. But I am left to hope that my simple ‘I am sorry’ will be somewhat acceptable. I don’t for a second assume that my apology is enough to undo years of damage. So I, henceforth, promise to honor you with my thoughts, actions, and words. I promise to pray for you instead of ridicule you. I promise to speak only kind words or to speak no words at all where you are concerned. I promise to look at you from now on as a reflection of God’s image and not as a potential remedy for lonely nights. I promise to walk away from conversations that are not gracious and kind. Even more, I promise to not initiate those conversations. I promise to encourage, build up, and bring life like I was originally created to do.
You are more than the sum of past hurts and frustrations we hang around your neck like stones, dragging you lower and lower to the bottom of a wide river. You are strong and wild and capable and man enough. I’m sorry for making you feel any less.
A Very Convicted Almost-Woman