I’ve been thinking about writing this entry for a while now. I’ve been unsure of where to begin, how to phrase the thoughts running around in my head. The last thing I want is to come across as condescending or judgmental or critical. I want this post enveloped in as much love and grace as I can muster. But I have to live in the reality that I might fail, so please forgive me if I do.
This one’s for the boys.
The journey to becoming the woman I was created to be has been wildly rewarding, as well as fun, exciting, and terrifying. There are many days when I don’t want to try anymore, don’t want to learn or grow. I get scared and tired of fighting the lies and want to throw in the towel. Sometimes I think to myself, “What’s the point of all this growth? Who’s going to appreciate it?”
I think this way sometimes because the majority – and please note I said majority not entirety – of males I’ve watched don’t seem to be striving to become the men they were created to be. They seem to be in this prolonged state of pubescence that excuses their actions and words. And weirdly we all not only accept it, we expect it. It’s somehow okay for men to never grow up, to stay boys forever.
I know there are other reasons why this journey is important. I want to become the woman God made me to be because being anything else would be living a lie. Anything else would be dishonoring to the One who made me. But I can’t deny that a big reason is that deep within my heart I desire to share this journey with a man someday. And that man deserves to share his journey with a woman, not a girl. And so it truly discourages me when I look around me and see guys who aren’t putting any effort into growing up, into becoming the strong, bold, adventurous, courageous, selfless men they were created to be. Sometimes it makes me want to stop trying to become that woman because when I get there, I wonder if there will be any men to appreciate it.
Again, this isn’t me being critical. This is actually quite hard for me to be vulnerable and ask the guys to try. For me and for the other ladies striving to become women of God, please try. Please become dissatisfied with being a boy. Please look for men who are farther along the journey of becoming men of God and learn from them. Please look for other guys who are willing to put effort into becoming men and hang out with them. Please call each other out when you’re embracing the prolonged state of pubescence too closely. Please encourage each other to treat us ladies with respect and gentle kindness, to fight for us, to protect us, to encourage us not tear us down, to be Jesus to us. Please. Please grow up, for you and for us.
Guys don’t understand the kind of power they have to wound or help heal the women around them. You have more power than you know. Please use it carefully, lovingly. Please love us by growing up too. It is a very scary thing to entrust our hearts to anyone, and only a man is worthy of a woman’s heart. We don’t want to give our hearts to boys anymore, so please, try.
And can we please all together, male and female, work on not expecting guys to remain boys forever? Let’s care about each other enough to not let ourselves remain children when God calls us to adulthood. A 27 year old man who acts like he’s 18 shouldn’t be the norm., at least not among the family of believers. Let’s please stop accepting that. Let’s help each other grow. And if that means writing a vulnerable blog post with a pounding heart, terrified of what the world will think, then so be it. It’s worth it.
Lastly, for the ones who are trying to become men of God, who are growing, thank you. You are the ones I remember on those rough days and I thank God for you. You encourage me, and others, more than you know. Keep growing, all of heaven and all the almost-women are cheering you on.