There’s a chapter in Captivating titled Arousing Adam. By far one of the funniest chapters in the book. It’s message in a nutshell is: to love our men well, we must seduce them. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I was thinking it too. But further inquiry into the message the authors were trying to pass across helped me see that there was more to this seduction than my initial thought. Women have been given a very unique ability to draw out a man’s strength with their vulnerability and femininity. So what they meant by seduction in this chapter is this: that we arouse our men to act like men, we draw out their strength by being inviting and tender and kind and vulnerable. We let our men know that we believe they’re man enough, that they have what it takes, that we believe in them. We need them. That’s arousing Adam.
I thought to myself, “that makes sense. of course, that’s what a husband would want from his wife.” But then they addressed the issue of single women and their platonic relationships with men. And even in friendships, men want the same type of seduction. They still want to feel like they’re man enough, that that we believe in them and need them. Welp.
This is one of the harder parts of this journey to femininity for me. I don’t like to need people. I don’t like to believe in people – because they almost always inevitably fail you. But when you replace “people” with “men”, my reaction becomes even more averse. Almost all of the hurts I carry around have come from men. I trust women – they raised me, they’ve always taken care of me, loved me, been constant and true. I can confidently say that. Women can be fierce fighters, but they are also fierce lovers and fierce advocates. I speak from experience.
I cannot speak so confidently for men. I know, ideally, what they were created to be and that knowledge warms my heart. But I also know what living in a fallen world has done to most of them and it chills me to my very core. The most inconsistent thing in my life? Good men. That’s why it’s hard to wrap my mind around this concept of arousing Adam. I desperately want to believe in them. To let them know I think they have what it takes. But today, that would be a false statement. More importantly, I feel like they don’t exist in my life.
I know a handful of good men. Don’t get me wrong. I know they exist. But why is it that I can sit for an hour and have a conversation with my best girl friends that covers everything from fashion to heartache to how our week’s have been and what we’re eagerly looking forward to in our futures…yet I can sit for an hour with a guy and only talk about funny YouTube videos and make stupid small talk that means absolutely nothing? Why aren’t there men who say, “How are you?” and really want to know? Who offer their strength on our behalf? But how can they offer their strength on our behalf when they don’t know the places where we’re weak? As much as men want to hear that we believe in them and need them, women need to be pursued even in friendships.
This is a hypocritical post for me. As much as I go on about being sick of small talk, I’m good at it. Because I’m a hider. I can’t blame men for everything. The person I want my friends to be, I must become. If I want to be pursued in friendships, I must practice courage. I must hide less and less till I hide no longer. If I hope to one day speak confidently from experience about the wonderful men in my life – the ones who care, who love me deeply, who have real conversations about real life with me, who offer their strength when I’m weak, who will fight against Satan’s lies with me, who will consistently point me to the Cross – if I will speak about these men one day, there is much work to be done on my heart.
Well this blog entry ended very differently than I originally planned.